


All I Ever Wanted

by kyjr



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyjr/pseuds/kyjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It kind of hit Koki really hard. One minute he was Ueda, with his odd ways of speaking and his shirts that were two sizes too big, and the next it was impossible for Koki to keep his eyes off him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://kitsune-hikaru.livejournal.com/profile)[**kitsune_hikaru**](http://kitsune-hikaru.livejournal.com/) for the [](http://help-pilipinas.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://help-pilipinas.livejournal.com/)**help_pilipinas** fanfic auction.

When they were juniors, they hated each other.

The first time Koki saw Ueda, this immense hatred rose up inside him, blinding him to anything else other than the boy in front of him. He hated his flat brown hair, he hated those doe eyes, he hated the way he stood.

It seemed that Ueda felt the same way, for his hands balled into fists at his side as he stared Koki down. They said nothing, just glaring at each other, their anger building up and up and up until Koki could barely contain it. Ueda's face was contorting into that of disgust as he regarded Koki, and Koki just wanted to punch that grimace right off his face.

But then they were calling them onstage, and Koki's earlier anger disappeared completely. He didn't know why - he didn't even know where the anger had come from in the first place. But as soon as the staff were ushering them onto the stage, they were fine, allowing the sounds of the audience and the music to wash over them.

Koki didn't really think much about him after that. They would walk past each other in hallways and they were both friends of Nakamaru, but that was all. Ueda never came up in conversation.

Except when they were thrown into a band together.

Koki couldn't believe it.

He had barely met any of these people and yet they were expected to work together. Expected to form a band and act like they've known each other for years; pose with each other like they were best friends.

Kamenashi seemed nice enough. He had spiky hair that grew in every direction possible and was so skinny that sometimes Koki worried he was going to snap in two. Akanishi wasn't so bad either, other than the fact that he was constantly attached to Kamenashi's side. It was difficult to get to know either of them, as they were so close, and seemed to shut the world off when they were together.

Taguchi was harmless, Koki knew. He was all smiles and long legs and ridiculous jokes, and Koki found that he warmed up to him quickly. There was something about Taguchi that you just had to like.

Nakamaru had been his friend for months. He was fun to hang out with. They would go to game arcades and try to beat each others' scores, and then once they failed, they'd buy icecreams and eat them in the park as they babysat Koki's little brothers. Nakamaru worried a lot, but that was okay, because Koki liked it when someone worried about him.

And then there was Ueda.

Ueda _looked_ gentle and sweet, but he was far from it. He had a little pixie face that you believed until you slowly broke through the surface and found out that he was evil - rather like Tinkerbell, Koki thought with a chuckle. He was short-tempered and rather violent, with a wicked punch.

He acted all docile and puppy-eyed for the cameras, and the fans lapped it up, but as soon as the cameras were off he was back to his usual, keeping to himself.

They had so many fights.

First it was Koki and Akanishi. Akanishi just pressed the wrong buttons sometimes, and Koki had just snapped, lunging for him and punching him in the nose. They had squabbled briefly, before Taguchi and Kamenashi had wrenched them apart. From then on it was almost nonstop - it was always concerning if Ueda hadn't picked a fight at least once a week.

But somehow, they managed to work together. Somehow, they managed to calm down enough to learn dance moves and lyrics. And slowly they were getting used to one another. They were growing closer.

It wasn't until one night however, a few years later, when Koki's hair was long and brown and Ueda's was short and blonde, that the two started to get along.

Akanishi and Kamenashi were rooming together, and Nakamaru had abandoned Koki for Taguchi and his game station, which he had brought on tour with him. Koki grumbled to himself as he shouldered his bag and prepared himself mentally, staring at the closed door of the hotel room.

The others were already in their rooms, calming down for the night after a long day of rehearsals. Koki knocked on the door before rolling his eyes at himself - this was his hotel room too - and opened the door.

Ueda was lying on his own bed, flicking through a book, disinterest written all over his face. He waved rather halfheartedly as Koki shut the door behind him.

"Stuck with me, huh?" Ueda mumbled, and Koki just grunted. The atmosphere was awkwardly quiet as Koki dumped his bag on his bed and sat upon it, every noise sounding ten times louder in the silence.

What was he meant to say to that?

"Nakamaru ditched me," he said finally, running a hand through his hair. Ueda made a noise of acknowledgement. "I'm gonna have a shower, is that okay?"

Ueda looked at him like he was crazy. "It's fine. Why are you asking me?"

"I don't know-- I thought maybe you wanted to have a shower, and..."

Ueda was still staring.

Koki felt uneasy under that stare. He quickly grabbed his things from his bag and rushed into the bathroom, if only to get away from Ueda's eyes.

Those grey contact lenses of his were rather unnerving.

Koki showered and dressed quickly, throwing on a pair of trackpants and an old shirt that his father had given him years ago. It was still too big around the shoulders, and it hung weirdly off his body, but it was comfortable after a day of hard work.

When he got back into the room, Ueda was changed into similar clothes, and had the television turned on. "Did you want to watch anything in particular?" he asked, pointing to the television with the remote. "I was just watching some shitty documentary."

Koki shook his head. "I don't care what we watch." Ueda shrugged, and turned back to his documentary which, Koki realised, was about the history of windscreen wipers. "Windscreen wipers? Really?"

Ueda snorted. "I don't know... but this is really boring."

Koki laughed before he could catch himself. "Learnt anything yet?" he asked, reaching for the towel to finish drying his hair.

"Yes, actually," Ueda said, rolling onto his back to inspect the ceiling, "I've learnt that windscreen wipers are very, _very_ boring."

"Why are you watching this, then?"

"It was either this or the news," he responded.

"Ah."

And then the silence came back, only punctuated by the droning voice from the documentary. Ueda lifted his hands up in front of his face and started playing with his own fingers, interlinking them and staring at them as if they were the most interesting thing ever.

Koki coughed, climbing into his own bed and sighing when he realised that the documentary had finished and a drama had started. "Wanna give this a try?" he asked Ueda, who sat up a little.

"What's it about?"

"No idea, I've never seen it before," Koki admitted. Ueda stared at the television awhile, before backing up and climbing under the covers.

The drama was nothing special - something about doctors and a hospital and operations and big medical words. It wasn't that complicated to follow.

It was when Ueda yawned that Koki thought to check his watch. "Oh god Ueda, we should go to sleep, it's almost ten thirty, and we've got to wake up at seven."

Ueda mumbled something back, sighing. "Don't wanna."

Koki's curiosity made his ears prick up. "How come?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want Ueda to blow up on him.

But all Ueda did was look at him before pulling a face and slumping down in his bed, muttering under his breath. "What is it?" Koki prodded, sliding down in his own bed and turning on his side so he could watch him.

"Don't like it," he said eventually, pulling the sheets up so Koki couldn't see his face. Koki couldn't hold back a smile.

This was new.

"Don't like what?" he asked, carefully reaching out and pulling the covers off Ueda's head. He was greeted with a grumpy expression.

"I don't like dancing," Ueda admitted sheepishly, and Koki's eyebrows rose.

"Huh? Really?"

"I'm no good at it," Ueda shrugged, trying to drop the subject.

Koki let him. He stared at the television for a while, watching as the doctors onscreen ran up and down hallways, all dressed in blue. "Did you know that Kamenashi sleeps with a teddy bear?" he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Ueda turned his head to look at him. "What?"

"Kame," Koki repeated, and a small smile was slowly making it's way onto Ueda's face. "Kame still sleeps with a stuffed toy."

"Really?" he asked, turning onto his side so he could see Koki better. "But I've never seen it when we're on tour--"

"Because on tour," Koki whispered, leaning over the side of the bed a little so Ueda could hear him, "he uses Akanishi."

Ueda gasped before bursting into laughter. "No way!" he yelled, in obvious delight.

"Shh!" Koki said, pointing towards the wall behind their heads, "They're in that room."

For some reason that made Ueda laugh more, sitting back up in the bed and covering his mouth. Koki had to laugh at the wheezing noises Ueda was making as he tried to keep quiet. "How do you know, though?" Ueda asked, through his giggle-fit.

"I was at his house," Koki whispered. "And suddenly he grabs a teddy bear and curls up with it, saying he can't sleep without it."  
Ueda was laughing so hard he had tears pooling in his eyes. Koki was sure it wasn't that funny, but he had never seen Ueda laugh that hard before, and felt kind of proud that it was because of something he had said.

Ueda was cute when he laughed.

(The next morning, Koki and Ueda broke into Akanishi and Kamenashi's room. Kamenashi's arms were indeed wrapped around Akanishi's body as they slept peacefully - they must have pushed their beds together. Koki exchanged looks with Ueda, and the two ducked out of the room, quickly bursting into laughter as soon as the door closed behind them.)

Years passed since then, and although Koki and Ueda weren't the best of friends, they were closer than they had been.

Well, there weren't as many fights between them.

The rest of the band wondered what had happened to make them change, but Koki and Ueda would just exchange looks and try to hide their smiles.

Ueda's hair changed from blonde to a darker blonde to black, and then they were debuting and everything was happening so fast Koki could barely cope.

There were photoshoots and promotions and Music Station and drama roles and then Akanishi was leaving for America and they were kind of lost. But they coped. They had to.

They put out a single, then an album, and somewhere along the line had their own show, which was all very exciting and terrifying at the same time. But all Koki could think about was the sheer anger he had raging inside him at Akanishi.

Ueda and Koki never laughed at Kamenashi when he brought his bear on tour.

The two hadn't really spoken one-on-one since that night, years ago. They would go out with Nakamaru, or Kamenashi, or even Taguchi (they were feeling nice those nights), but never together.

Ueda was very withdrawn, and hard to get to know. He had a shield that was almost impossible to get past, but Koki wanted to know him. He wanted to know the real Ueda.

One night, when Koki was lying on his couch at home and watching television - some American show - with his dogs on his legs and a packet of chips next to him, the doorbell rang. Koki groaned.

Abandoning his show - which was shitty anyway - he dislodged his dogs and trudged to the door. "Who is it?" he barked at the closed door.

"It's... uh. Ueda."

Koki frowned. What did Ueda want at eleven at night?

But as soon as Koki opened the door, he knew something was wrong. Ueda had tear tracks down his cheeks. The jeans he wore were torn at the knees, and his shirt was covered in mud; his hair was a mess; and there was a large gash near Ueda's elbow.

"What happened?" Koki asked, quickly ushering him inside. Ueda followed, barely resisting as Koki pushed him onto the couch and ran off to find a bandage for that scratch.

When he came back with a glass of water and a bandaid, Ueda was staring at Sakura. Koki sat carefully next to Ueda, offering him the glass. "What happened?" He repeated, once Ueda had taken a sip.

"My dog died," he said in a small voice. Koki instinctively moved closer to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and Ueda gave him a look. "...how did you get that?" he said, nodding towards the gash on his arm. Ueda stared down at it, as if he didn't realise it was here before.

"Oh."

"Here, let me help you."

As Koki unwrapped the bandaid, Ueda told him that he had come home from work and found his precious dog on the floor of his bedroom, unable to walk. He had known she was sick, but there was nothing else the vet could do other than give her pain medicine.

They had to put her down.

Koki took the glass from Ueda as his shoulders started to shake with the force of keeping his tears at bay. "Ueda," he said softly, "Come here."

Ueda fell sideways into Koki's body, resting his head against his chest as he cried. His hand curled into Koki's shirt, tugging at it as his tears dampened the cloth. Sobs racked his body, and all Koki could do was hold onto him, running his hand up and down his back.

He had never seen Ueda cry before.

When Koki was sure Ueda's tears had stopped falling, he helped him back into a sitting position. "Are you okay now?"

Ueda sniffed, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "I'll be fine," he said, "Thankyou."

"How'd you get so dirty?" Koki asked, gesturing to his ripped jeans and dirtied clothes.

"I fell," Ueda said simply, taking a longer sip of water and sighing a little, resting back against the couch.

Koki let it drop. But there was something else bugging him. "Why me?" he asked carefully. Ueda looked at him before averting his gaze.

"Because Nakamaru is filming for something," he mumbled into his glass of water. "Kame is probably too tired. I don't know where Taguchi is."

He drank the rest of the water in the glass before standing and stretching, not-so-subtley wiping his eyes. "Well, I should go," he said, a little reluctantly.

Koki hesitated. "Do you think you should?" he asked, and Ueda looked down at him in confusion. "I mean... will you be okay on your own?"

Ueda stared.

"You can stay here, if you want."

And so Ueda did, refusing Koki's offers of using the bed, and made himself quite comfortable on the couch. Koki couldn't sleep that night, thinking about Ueda in the other room alone, and apparently Ueda couldn't either, so they stayed up and watched late-night infomercials until they had to get to work the next morning, looking worse-for-wear.

Koki never told anyone what happened, and he could tell Ueda was grateful.

Shit happened and Akanishi came back, but nothing was the same - except that Ueda and he still never really talked. Their relationship was strange, Koki thought, as Ueda and Akanishi went right back to being friends as if nothing had ever happened. And yet he and Koki could never act like Ueda did with Akanishi.

Maybe they were just special.

Ueda started changing then. He dyed his hair a copper colour, had it styled. Kamenashi said it looked girly; Koki thought it looked amazing (even though he said it looked girly too, just to keep up appearances).

With the hair change, Ueda seemed to find a little piece of himself. It was only a small piece, but it was a start. He was smiling more. His eyes seemed to shine more.

He was kind of beautiful.

It kind of hit Koki really hard. One minute he was Ueda, with his odd ways of speaking and his shirts that were two sizes too big, and the next it was impossible for Koki to keep his eyes off him.

It was weird.

"What is wrong with me?" Koki shrieked to an empty house, and Sakura wagged her tail at him. "Is it because of the hair? Is it, Sakura?" he asked, but she just cocked her head at him and wagged her tail some more. Koki collapsed onto the couch sighing. "Maybe I've gone insane. That's it. All this late-night filming is getting to me," he concluded, sliding down on the couch so he could scratch behind Sakura's ears.

It wasn't because of late-night filming.

It wasn't even the hair.

Koki found himself staring at Ueda too much. He'd stare when Ueda was dancing; he'd stare when Ueda was drinking; he'd even stare when Ueda was merely tying his shoes (which was barely ever, because Ueda wore sandals more often than not these days).  
When his stomach did a funny little flip when Ueda turned and smiled at him, Koki knew he was in trouble. Big trouble.

But as Koki pondered over his new-found feelings for Ueda, his phone rang.

It was his mother. His grandmother had just died.

Koki couldn't breathe.

Without a second thought, he grabbed his keys and wrenched the door open, rushing out into the night. He didn't know where he was going, he was just running. To somewhere.

He was running and running and stumbling and running on some more, until he was falling onto someone's doorstep, panting, clutching his keys to his chest. The door creaked open slowly.

"...Koki?" someone asked, but he didn't answer, and they quickly helped him to his feet and brought him in out of the cold. "What are you doing here?"

He was in Ueda's living room. Ueda himself was staring at him with gentle eyes, carefully lowering him down onto his couch. "Stay here, I'll get you some tea."

Koki didn't know how he got here - he didn't even realise he knew the way to Ueda's place so well - but he was glad. Ueda was soon back with tea, placing the cup down on the coffee table and perching himself on the couch next to him.

"What happened?" he asked, and Koki looked at him. "You're crying," he deadpanned, and Koki frowned.

"No, I'm not."

Ueda rolled his eyes and swept a hand gently across Koki's cheek. "Yeah, you are." Koki stared at the tears on Ueda's fingers.

Huh.

But then he felt everything kind of explode, and he was sobbing, hunched over with his forehead touching his knees. There were hands on his shoulders and Ueda was pulling him up and into him, holding him tightly through his sobs. "It's okay," he murmured, gently combing his fingers through Koki's hair. "It's gonna be okay."

It wasn't 'going to be okay', but for some reason those words made him feel just a little better. He held onto Ueda like he was his lifeline, but Ueda didn't seem to mind; he just brought Koki closer, holding on tighter.

Koki just couldn't stop _crying_.

He burrowed his face into the crook of Ueda's neck, and somehow the steady pulse felt a little comforting. Ueda was humming, Koki realised after a while; humming some sweet nonsensical song for him, and it was then that he noticed how exhausted he really was.

But yet, the tears kept falling, Ueda's arms wrapped strongly around his body. He felt stupid; he should stop crying; this is ridiculous; why did he come to Ueda of all people; _stop crying._

Finally, _finally,_ the tears began to stop. Koki just lay there against Ueda, who made no move to pull away. "Are you alright now?" Ueda whispered, his breath ghosting along Koki's shoulder. Koki nodded against Ueda's neck, slowly moving away, even though Ueda's arms were still around him.

"I'll be alright. Thankyou."

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

"Grandma died," he managed to choke out, and Ueda's hold tightened again.

"Oh," was all he said. Koki shook his head.

"It's fine. I'll be fine."

"...Are you sure?" Ueda asked, finally removing his arms from around Koki. He kind of missed the warmth.

"Yeah..."

Ueda handed him the teacup. "Here, it should be warm enough now," he said, and Koki took it gratefully. It was a little cold and bitter but he drank it all - somehow it made him feel warm inside. "Is there anything else I can do?" Ueda asked, looking a little lost.

"No, it's okay," Koki said, wiping his face and putting the cup back down.

"Want to talk about it?" Ueda asked, eyes encouraging. "Sometimes it helps to talk about it."

Koki didn't want to, but he found himself telling Ueda about his grandmother. About her smile; about her long grey hair, about that stray cat she fed, about the frilly purple apron she wore when she baked Koki and his brothers pies. He told him the stupid details that he would miss with all of his heart.

Funnily enough, he didn't cry again. Maybe he had no more tears to shed.

Ueda listened, though. He listened intently to the tales about his grandmother. Koki was so grateful that he found himself holding onto Ueda's hand lightly, and he didn't even care anymore.

Her funeral was a week later. On the train back to Chiba, Koki's phone beeped with a message from Ueda.

_Good luck._

Koki pocketed his phone, but kept the message in his mind. That small message allowed him to gather enough strength to face the rest of the day.

His feelings for Ueda never wavered, no matter how many girls he tried to pick up - and that transvestite that one time which was completely by accident because he made a very convincing woman, okay. He still found girls attractive, but there was this feeling whenever Ueda looked at him that he just didn't feel with them.

Months passed and he still hadn't done anything about it - how could he? - but then Akanishi was leaving and there was all this pressure suddenly pushed onto them, and he couldn't spare a second thought.

There was a concert to prepare for.

He barely had time to think about his anger at Akanishi because there were all these preparations being thrown at them - photoshoots, interviews, then he had to remember lyrics and dance-steps.

And then there was the matter of his solo,hastily thrown together - _quick, think of something that makes you sound not-gay_ \- and the dance for that, and then the costuming, and suddenly they were going to debut in Korea.

They had no time to scratch themselves.

Koki wondered what Akanishi was doing. If he was happy.

(Taguchi told them later that Akanishi had texted him and said that yes, he was happy, but he was still very sorry, and if it wasn't too much trouble could Nakamaru send him over that hat he borrowed from him a year ago. Koki grumbled, but he was glad that Akanishi wasn't regretting his choice.)

After the album release - were there always so many songs on an album? - they had their first round of concerts, and then their bigger tour. And then it happened.

Koki was watching Ueda's solo through the curtains to the side of the stage. He was singing and rushing about the stage, angrily clawing at his own throat and stirring up the crowd like none of his other solos had done.

The performance was going according to plan until he jumped.

And fell.

Koki knew something was off by the way he stumbled, but he continued singing. He stumbled offstage, right into Koki, and collapsed, taking Koki with him. Koki was practically screaming; there were staff rushing about in an organised panic; the rest of the band were back in their dressing room.

And Koki was just there, on the floor, trying to keep hold of Ueda, keeping his arms and legs out of everyone's way. "Ueda, you're going to be okay," he kept murmuring, repeating the words Ueda had said to him the night his grandmother passed. "It's going to be alright."

The ambulance came to take him away, right out of Koki's hold. By this stage, the rest of KAT-TUN had realised what was going on, and Kamenashi had to hold him back before he followed the van.

They still had a concert to finish.

Koki's mind was not on the music, or the audience, or the dances, but on the pale face of Ueda as he stumbled into his arms. Shit, he hoped he was alright.

As soon as the concert finished, the four of them made their way to the nearest hospital. Nakamaru was first to Ueda's room, gasping a little before actually entering the room. Koki was next.

Ueda looked so small, a large plaster cast wrapped around his foot and lower leg. He was awake, sitting up and smiling a little at them. "Look what I did!" he exclaimed, laughing at Nakamaru's shaky hands. "It looks worse than it is."

Koki didn't know what to do. He wanted to run up to him and give him a hug, but he didn't want to do that in front of everyone. So he stayed back, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking like he wasn't interested in what the others were saying, even though his ears were straining to hear.

"Seriously guys, I'm okay," Ueda laughed. "Kame, you're going to cry."

"No, I'm not!" Kamenashi snapped, turning away and wiping at his eyes angrily. "I was just a little worried because of the next few concerts, and we can't go on being only four people, and-- shut up, Taguchi!"

"But I didn't say anything!"

Ueda laughed. "So what's wrong with you?" Nakamaru asked, poking Ueda in the side.

"Broken toe," Ueda answered.

"That's it?" Junno asked. "That's all? You've got that great big cast for a tiny bone?"

Ueda turned and _glared._ Taguchi shrunk away. "It fucking _hurt,_ Taguchi," he spat.

"Okay, okay... Sorry."

They spoke for a few minutes more, until Kamenashi was yawning and Nakamaru realised they were still in their outfits for the concert. Ueda smiled. "You guys better get going," he said, waving off Nakamaru's hand on his shoulder.

"We're fine--"

"No," Ueda said sternly. "Shoo."

Kamenashi smiled tiredly. "Okay, if you say so."

"Get better soon," Taguchi said, waving. Ueda nodded.

"You coming, Koki?" Nakamaru asked, as he passed him. Koki shook his head.

"I'll meet you back at the hotel."

Ueda watched as the others left, raising his eyebrows at Koki. "You okay?"

Koki laughed. "I should be the one to ask you."

"I told you, I'm f--"

"I _know_ ," Koki snapped, and Ueda quietened. "I'm sorry. It's just-- I was so worried," he muttered, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Mm," Ueda hummed. "But I'm okay."

"You were so pale," Koki said, feeling nervous under Ueda's intense gaze. "I could see there was something wrong, and then you fell into me--"

"That was you?" Ueda whispered so quietly that Koki barely caught it. He nodded.

"You remember?"

"Yeah... vaguely."

"What happened?" Koki asked, walking closer and sitting on the edge of Ueda's bed.

"I don't really know," Ueda admitted, staring at the sheets. "One minute I was fine... then I jumped, and something happened. I wasn't expecting the jump to be that big--"

"--You're an idiot--"

"--and then there was all this pain in my foot," he continued. "I don't know, maybe it was all the adrenaline in my veins, but I managed to get through the rest of the song."

"Yeah, then you collapsed on me."

"I'm sorry about that."

Koki shook his head. "It's fine. I'm glad I was there to catch you-- well. It was more like I was there to cushion your fall."

Ueda laughed. "Still. Thankyou."

And Koki didn't know why he did it - maybe it was the stress of worrying about Ueda - but he leant over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Ueda's eyes were wide when Koki pulled away, and he was sure his face was as red as Ueda's.

He wasn't going to apologise. He wasn't sorry.

His face was burning, his hands were shaking. Ueda's eyes weren't leaving his face, trying to find an answer to the hundreds of questions that were running through his head. Suddenly Ueda's face turned thoughtful, and his hand was on the back of Koki's neck, and he was leaning in, and--

Ueda's lips ghosted over his own, resting his forehead against Koki's.

Koki couldn't breathe.

"Ued--"

"Don't talk."

Koki stared into Ueda's eyes as he leant back in, pressing their mouths together finally. Koki sighed, kissing him back, feeling Ueda smile in the kiss. He pulled away again, just gazing at Ueda in shock, his heart beating faster than it should, and--

Oh holy hell he just kissed Ueda.

"Don't panic," Ueda chuckled.

"Not panicking," Koki said in a strained voice. Ueda chose to kiss him again to shut him up, and it worked. Koki kissed him back, again and again and again, until Ueda had to break the kiss to laugh.

"Stop," he said, and Koki jumped up.

"Shit. Right. I'm sorry-- Oh god. I'm so sorr--"

"Shut up," Ueda deadpanned, "and come back here so I can kiss you again." Koki stared. Ueda sighed. "I kind of really like you, okay? Ever since... ever since you helped me, back then, with the... about my dog, I... I can't help it, I'm sorry," he stuttered. "Stupid leg," he murmured.

Koki laughed. "It's okay," he said, and Ueda froze. His stomach was doing backflips as he continued, rather nervously, "I kind of... really like you too."

"...Really?"

Instead of answering, Koki gathered his courage and leant down, pressing a kiss to the corner of Ueda's mouth. Ueda placed his hands on both of Koki's cheeks, pulling him in, moving his head and deepening the kiss, much to Koki's surprise.

Ueda's hands were barely touching his skin as his fingers danced over Koki's jaw, trembling slightly. The kiss was sweet yet demanding as Koki's own hand moved up to gently sweep Ueda's hair away, his fingers shaking. They parted again, just gazing at each other, hundreds of emotions swimming around in Ueda's dark eyes.

Koki's breath was shaky when he next spoke. "So, what does this make us?" he murmured, heart hammering in his chest at the look Ueda was giving him.

"Anything you want," Ueda said, leaning up to kiss along his jaw.

Koki wanted lazy Sunday mornings kissing over breakfast. He wanted Ueda's eyes looking at him the way he was gazing at him now. He wanted to run his fingers through Ueda's hair as he lay against him. He wanted to share an umbrella when it rained. He wanted to tell him he loved him.

He wanted everything.

"Okay," Ueda breathed, without Koki even saying a word, "Okay."

Koki smiled, feeling rather breathless. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Please do," Ueda laughed, moving in to kiss him first, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him down onto the bed.

Later, when Koki was lying next to him, his fingers combing through Ueda's hair and Ueda's head on his shoulder as he slept, Koki realised that maybe he already had what he always wanted.

 

\--the end  



End file.
